Hello friends. I hope you are all well. Hope the weather is warming up where ever you are. It's been wonderful here except with the Spring comes the pollen and allergies. You can find all the info about my card at the bottom of the post.
Today I want to take a minute to share a personal testimony with you as well. It is the desire of my heart to always bring honor and glory to my Savior and my life has changed so much since December, that I feel He is leading me to share with you. I don't consider myself a great writer or communicator so I am trusting that He will lead me in writing this.
Some of you may be hurting, and desperate for change in your life. And I want to share how God is healing me and has changed my life. I'm not a bible scholar or saint, nor would I consider myself a mature christian or anyone knowledgeable enough to council others. I certainly don't have all the answers, but thank goodness I know a God who does. I'm just a regular gal who loves God and wants to share that with others. Who gets up everyday and struggles with the same sin and problems you do. I think too many times Christians are hesitate to share their problems / sin with others. They want everyone to think they have it all figured out and sometimes we are afraid others will judge us. So I'm putting my heart out there today to share something very personal with you, not because I seek your sympathy but because you need to know how awesome God is!
Life has really improved around our house. My mom is slowly improving since her surgery and is doing well enough that we got her moved into her own little apartment. I am so thankful for answered prayers and for all of you who have prayed for us the last 4 months. We moved her here back in December thinking that we had her lined up for her to move into and apartment of her own shortly after arriving. Living with us was never an option. After getting her here they told us they would not accept her because of her bad credit ... imagine our shock. She was on the list for 2 other HUD apartments and they denied her as well. So we were starting from scratch, and not sure when we would be able to find her something since she had already been rejected 3 times.
What God taught me through this experience ...
Just to share a little background ... my mom was a single mom and an alcoholic. My dad was not a part of my life. There was a lot of hurt and neglect. Children should feel loved and safe growing up. And unfortunately things that happen to us as children can affect us as adults. My relationship with my mother has always been very strained. We have tried to help her so many times in the past. But frankly sometimes people don't want to change and you can not force them. Her health began to really go down hill the last couple of years, and it became apparent I was going to have to step up and help. This was not what I wanted to do. It would not be easy. And I wasn't sure HOW I was going to do it emotionally, but I felt like it was what God was calling me to do. Sometimes when someone hurts you over and over again, you build a wall. I didn't feel any love for her at all. The relationship was so strained that seeing that she was calling me caused anxiety, and hugging her made me cringe. I dreaded holidays if I was going to have to see her. I'm just trying to share with you how bad it really was. Sometimes as Christians we think we are trucking along, living like God wants us to, but maybe hiding away just one little something and refusing to deal with it. We rationalize that it's ok to hide away this one little thing because there are so many other things we do that are good. Well for me that was my relationship with my mother. I always said I had forgiven her .... but really had I ?? if I loathed her that much??? I know now that God wanted me to deal with it and not in just the same town, but the same house. I was so broken, and stressed, wondering how we were ever going to work all this out. We had tried helping her and letting her live with us in the past and it did not go well. She has some mental issues as well. And I was stuck in between my mother and husband wondering every day if someone was going to explode. I had no where else to go but to God. I began praying for Him to speak to my heart ... to change my heart and help me to see my mother differently, to help me forgive and love her as a Christian should.
First He reminded me that everything I have is His. My house is His and if He wants to use it to help someone less fortunate I had to accept that. I began praying fervently not just in general for God to take care of this problem, not just that He would open up another option for somewhere else for her to live, because that's the natural response we have to something like this .... but that He would teach ME whatever it was I needed to learn from this situation and help to change my heart. My desire to live and love like He wants me to has to be bigger than my selfish desire to continue to continue like I had been. I knew there was now way my mother was going to change and become this lovable little angel. But I believed and knew that God could help me to change. Sometimes we want to pray for God to change the other person we think is the problem ... but we don't want God to tell us what we need to change about ourselves. We think that if they would just change ... then we could love them. But that's not the kind of love God has for us .... it's not conditional, thank goodness! Because there is nothing we can do to earn it. Not everyone is easy to love. The easy thing to do is to avoid/ignore the problem, tuck it away like it doesn't exist ... but like in my life it may catch up with you and you may have to deal with it. God decided it was time for me to deal with my un-forgiveness. I began reading a book by Beth Moore "Praying God's Word". WOW! God has used this book to speak to me like never before. I'm breaking though my stronghold of un-forgiveness, among other things. I know it may always be a struggle, but the joy and peace I have now is amazing. Seriously .... God is MY Xanax! The feeling of relief when we finally let things go and give it to Him is amazing. Sometimes I have to get up, pray and give it to Him several times a day. It has changed me in such a way that others have noticed as well. My daughter and husband have been so surprised at how I have stepped up and dealt with things, and I give God all the honor and glory. There is no way I could have broke through all the anger / resentment / un-forgiveness / anxiety regarding this with out Him. He is changing my heart. And I'm excited about what else He is going to teach me!
Please just know that if you are hurting that God loves you, wants to have a relationship with you. Not the kind where you show up for church every week and think you are doing all the right things, volunteering and serving. But one where you are depending on Him, talking to Him about everything, reading His word, seeking His council ....a real relationship. A personal relationship just between you and Him. You will begin to hear His voice and it will change your life. I hope that you will open up to God and let Him help you with challenges in your life as well. Not sure where to get started? Email me at email@example.com
I hope you have a fabulous week!!
You can check out all of my Gina K. Designs Projects HERE.
Stamps : Gina K. Designs “ Petals and Wings”
Patterned Paper : My Mind’s Eye
Kraft Cardstock : Papertrey Ink
Trim patterned paper and kraft panels, and ink edges. Stamp
kraft panel with polka dots, and orange panle with florals / butterflies.
Add French knots to center of flowers. Stamp sentiment on
kraft paper, trim and ink edges. Adhere to card front then embellish
with 2 cross stitches. Adhere both panels to card front. Embellish
Thank you Melisa - I needed to hear that today! There are times I just want to run away, but that is not an option, so I must learn (again) to run to God and let Him change me.
Love your card too.
Melisa... I've seen you comment before that you're not a good communicator...BUT you are. The best communicators in my opinion are those who speak from the heart. I've always known you to do that. You are a sweet and loving child of God. And a sweet and good human being. Love you! <3
I enjoyed reading your post. Isn't God wonderful & how awesome are the gifts he gives us! My sister's & I are in our second Beth Moore Bible study with the women's group at church & we just love them...have learned so much. I'm part of the admin team at Paper Secrets & just got introduced to your blog through your challenge submisson and I'm so glad I did.
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